This Confusion

For those of you who want to try and decipher this poem, wait a while before reading this cuz I'm going to explain.



Okay, so from a few other poems you can probably guess that I pro-homosexuality and rights and stuff. Well, I'm also a Christian. That may not be uncommon, but I'm still having issues. It DOES SAY in the Bible that if a man sleeps with another man or a woman sleeps with another woman, it is seen as an abomination. So, knowing this, I'm still going to continue supporting Homosexuality. I honestly don't think it matters who you like. I mean, whatever! It really shouldn't matter. But I still have a religion i believe, and the more I think the more this religion that I love so much starts to fall apart. And it's not just that. Sometimes at school I'll hear some friends talk about Christianity in a less-than-friendly way and I want to hide. Or, one time it got to this one discussion and someone bashed on Christianity and I felt... cold. I felt like someone just dropped a bowling ball in my stomach and then punched it. Hard. Then, i feel bad because i didn't defend something that i've loved. I love being a Christian, but then this whole revelation where i decided that homosexuality is fine shook everything like a stinkin' earthquake. I mean, yeah I just ignore one thing about the bible and move on right? But, that one thing starts to breed other questions like, "what else is wrong?" I used to be against gays (never questioned what my parents told me) and everything was fine, but then suddenly this huge thing is standing in my way and I realize that this one realization contradicts so much of what i believed in. And then there's that other side that says, "Just deny homosexuality and go back to the way it was, where it was all simple". How can I? I'm currently crushing on a girl (although that crush is a lost cause) and I like girls as much as I like guys (if not more to be honest). That, and that would just be heinous! But sometimes it sounds so tempting. it's just that when i go home, half the things i want to say i have to stop because my parents wouldn't approve of it. Either around my friends (except for Tori and Chloe cuz you guys are awesome) or at home, I'm still hiding a part of me. it sucks so majorly. It's so confusing sometimes. i mean, I guess i can have both, but those voices in my head picking at me and whenever i go to church, i just get more confused. I miss the days when i could feel COMFORTABLE at church... then again, i haven't felt that way since that new sunday school teacher... But that's another rant! Anyway, thank you ever so much for reading! i lub you guys soooo much! <3